What's with the Tortoise? The Circle of life?

The Tortoise-an ancient symbol 

of long life and and good health

as well as mother earth.

The Circle of life.

Some tribes called it the sacred circle

It is the circle of unity

It is these two things in life 

That seem so simple yet so complex

Tortoise Pictograph from Paint Rock Texas(Enhanced)

      Benjamin Franklin said there were only two things certain in life: Death and Taxes. Ben wrote in a letter to Jean-Baptiste Leroy, 1789. I think if I could have visited with Ben, I would have asked about life and enjoying every moment and experiencing new and wondrous  things! Of course this is a man who flew kites in storms, travel to England like we travel to Wal Mart.

     We here so many times "Life is short. Live it to the fullest!" Yet when we try to go that route we are sometimes met with skepticism and criticism . We get asked about our other responsibilities like home, job family like those have no weight or value to us anymore. It can be done with some sacrifices. My lawn is the best manicured in the neighborhood. And yes, I am sure there some faucets and a bathroom that need my attention.  They will be there when I get back, and odds are I will be off looking for something else to experience before they all get done. I am almost positive that I will not be laying in my deathbed saying to myself, "God, if I had just mowed the lawn one more time, and fixed that faucet, my life and Legacy would be complete!" This video is so perfect. It has always been one of my favorite commercials, and truly shows the grace of life. Funny as this is.....

     So here we are- living the full life. Or are we? Is work the main reason for existence? It shouldn't be. It should be about having fun. I blame this mindset on my childhood. Yes I was an only child. Most of my your days were spent at my uncle's farm. I was left to my own imagination, where toys were stationary tractors and barns filled with adventure. I learned about my families life from stories and tales from relatives. I would walk the fields, and woods looking for signs of ancient cities and ruins from the past. Of course there weren't any, but you can be sure I always returned with some item I was sure belonged to some indian tribe, or outlaw that had hidden in the woods many years ago. 

     But like all children, I grew older and as time went on, I never really lost the desire to explore, and learn about an area. I was lucky because as an MP dog handler in the Army, I was able to go just about anywhere I wanted to at anytime. (I had a gun and a dog. Who was going to argue with that?) Even when I was working at the Pentagon, I would eventually wind up in the basement, walking the area, marveling at the wood grains, in the concrete. I found the historical section, and it was explained that the Pentagon had been built using rough lumber. So the wood grains were from the forms they used. I would walk and crawl the tunnels, to find ANYTHING that I could find. Of course that lead to many meeting with very large rats, and various other critters, but in my mind that was the price I was willing to pay, for this moment of exploration. 

     I have been blessed with some awesome times, an extremely "patient" wife. Exploring, and living this way does come with a "few" problems. I have had my share of a few Hospital visits, injuries and other challenges that have required her assistance from time to time. She has weathered the storm, figuring it is better to visit me in the emergency room than to forward my mail to the mental ward. She knows I would go insane if I could not live this way, and she has endured. 

     But she knows my internal clock is running at a pace that is not normal. I have never really been at peace with the circle of life. I have alway been running wide open, attacking everything with a passion and near frantic pace. For some it is disconcerting or even frightening. At times I will run a passion or event until it dies right in front of me. This drive became even worse when my dad passed away last year. We had never really gotten along very well. NO we never got along at all. He always questioned this way of life, exploring old towns, visiting cemeteries, riding my motorcycle across ranch properties to find an old house. It was labeled  stupid to him. It became a chip on my shoulder and that chip I carried was there for all to see. I refused to relent to anything. I would go out in any type of weather to find that "one place" that would bring me peace. The one location that give me the answers I was never going to find from my father. It had to be out there somewhere, and no matter what I was going to find it. 

     I did. It was me. Peace comes from understanding yourself. accepting the fact that as time goes so goes us. The circle of life got a whole lot smaller when my dad passed away. Before my mom passed away in 2007, her and I had a long talk on the phone. She had come to some sort of understanding of why I was so willing to run like a "wild man" through life. She finally understood that though I was totally willing to take risks to experience something, I did not have a death wish. Spending 22 years in the Army had taught me not to fear death. Yet I was controlled by my one and biggest fear. The fear of not living. I was able to make it to Michigan from Texas hours before she died. When she saw me, In my motorcycle gear, helmet in hand, her strained smile, and her softening eyes told me she knew that the time was close. When she died the next day. I stood there looking at the woman who had tolerated so much insanity with my childhood. The one who had defended my life's choices. Her circle was gone, and the tortoise had won once again. 

Looking to the gods, and walking up the hill. 

     It took a trip to Paint Rock Texas for me to come to grips with who and what I am. Spending time walking a cliff of 1500 pictographs from over two thousand years ago did it start to come to light. I wasn't looking for anything other than some cool pictures, and to meet a few people, write about for my book about US Hwy. 83. It was when I was watching one pictograph interacting with the sun that I became overcome with emotion. It is a pictograph depicting death, and the travel to to the gods. I stood there and watched the sun pass through and was amazed at the simple complexity of it all. I had heard Cora talk about the tortoise pictograph and she showed me several pictures of it in action. The sun piercing the center of the tortoise signifying life and the start of a new season. I can't tell what happened that day. I wouldn't even want to try and explain it. It changed me. What I thought was just an emotional exciting day became more. The panic of time running out on me has disappeared. Like an alcoholic, I have my moments, but my mind settles, and I move forward. I sleep like I have never slept. I no longer feel like the circle of life is a noose around my neck, but a handle to hang onto the moments I experience. There is a depth of my visits with people and a different appreciation for the surroundings I am in. The Tortoise is going to win. But I am going to enjoy view until the race is over. 

  

Cora showing the tortoise in all of its splendor

     So there you have it. Some personal rants, and why the tortoise and the circle of life are so prominent in my writing. They give peace and understanding about life, and why I am the way I am. It really isn't all that complex after all is it? 

     So go and enjoy life. At the very least I plan on replacing a faucet in my bathroom very soon.